Time After Time
by xOhMyJodie
Summary: Follow the story of the present, tied in with the past. Why did Clare really leave Toronto, what is she hiding? Will her and Eli get back together? Will there be someone else in the picture? Who knows what could really happen?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic ever. I would love to know what you all think! Was it easy to follow with the present, and the flashbacks? Or should I blatantly say "flashback" ? ALSO...I'm just letting everyone, who reads it, at this point it might take me a while to update. The way that my mind works is not in order. So I might begin writing and decide that that should be later in the story. It took be about a week to finalize this. Thank you!**

The past scares me. It haunts me. I do not know if I am truly ready to return. I guess that there is no better way, then to just _dive_ back into my life. I mean obviously, there is a reason that it has taken me five years to come back home.

Who am I? My name is Clare Diane Edwards. I am currently residing in Toronto, Canada. It is time to come back to reality. For the past five years of my life, I have been running away. I ran away when I was 17 years old. I have been running away from my parents, and the boy who broke my heart. I have mainly been running because of the boy. I have not changed much, I still love the unordinary, and I still love the unexpected. Maybe that was what led me to where I am today.

As I was walking, from the corner of my eye, I saw him. Eli Goldsworthy. The boy who broke my heart. Did he see me? I didn't even know. I looked away and kept walking.

"Clare Edwards? Is that you?" I wanted to ignore him and keep walking. I couldn't help but think of the first time I ever laid my eyes on him. He was different. Not different, in a bad way. Just _different. _I mean, from my brief experience before him, I dated the popular jock. Eli on the other hand, was the epitome of the opposite. In my case, the epitome of love at first sight.

I turned my head, "Hey you… long time no, uh, see."

_Flashback._

It was only a few weeks into grade 10; I was changing my image from the small quiet girl who no one noticed, to the girl with the bright blue eyes. There it was that black hearse, which later held onto so many memories, so dearly. I was talking to my best friend Alli. She _accidentally_ knocked my glasses right out of my hands, and beneath a black wheel. They drove right over them. Right in front of me, was the car. And out of the car, came a boy, who I yearned to know more about. He was wearing all black. From head to toe. A black blazer, a black shirt, blacked faded jeans, and black shoes. He bent down to pick up my glasses, "I think they're dead." He looked up with that smirk. His smirk startled me, every single time.

As he handed me my glasses, I was shaken. I could barely find the words. "It's okay, I uh… I don't need them anymore. I got…" I paused, "Laser surgery."

He looked at me with those dark green eyes, nearly undressing me at the scene. "You have pretty eyes."

I nearly choked, but managed to choke up a, "thanks, I'll uh… See ya around?"

"Guess you will," he said as he turned around and got back into his hearse. I needed to know him. I couldn't stop thinking about him. His face was flashing in front of my eyes.

_End Flashback._

"So are you back in Toronto?" He looked at me, with that ever so familiar smirk. It never failed to startle me. Even after so many years, it still drew me in, and this is what I was afraid of.

"For the time being, I wanted to see my parents. I wanted to see, uh, well I guess I just missed home."

"Well Toronto sure as hell has missed you. It hasn't been the same since..." And he stopped himself. We both knew what he was going to say. Maybe it was for the better that he shut his mouth. "Well you know, I've missed you."

"Well, I've sure as hell missed everything too..." I felt it. That awkward silence that always appeared when two loves parted from one another. I had never felt this with Eli. But then again, we never exactly had the opportunity for that _awkward_ silence.

"Hey, Clare. We should catch up; maybe we can meet at The Dot this afternoon?"

"Yeah sure. Eli I would like that." Would I like that? Or would it only bring back the pain.

As I walked away from Eli, it only brought back the memories. I knew it was a bad idea to come home, but regardless, it was a bad idea not to come home. I needed to figure things out, and I needed to form ties with my past so that I could throw it _away. _

I wondered what happened to everyone else. After a while I began to lose touch with Alli, Adam, and Jenna. I knew that Alli came back to Degrassi. She and Drew did not get back together; and it was for the better. It is strange to think that after they broke up, Alli became more independent and finally realized that she did not need a boy friend to survive high school. Adam went off to university and for all I know is still there doing something genius with his life. Jenna had her baby, and a few months later she and KC broke up. I think that he still helps to this day; he wanted to be a part of her son's live, but soon I lost touch with her as well. We never became close again, but she was able to help me with certain things that I was going through.


	2. Chapter 2

**Can I just say how deeply amazing all of the feedback that I received was? It made me smile like a little child. I was honestly not expecting so many emails saying BLANK has added you to their favorite authors, BLANK has subscribed to receive an alert. WOW. Writing is truely one of my passions, and I felt honored to receive all of the kind words. **

**I had originally written chapter two before I even uploaded chapter one. But then I was in school one day, and decided I wanted to write my story going back and forth between Clare AND Elis mind. So I added this chapter before chapter two, and made that one chapter three. SO, here is second chapter, in Eli's POV. :)**

Welcome, to Hell Town; part two.

What _is_ Hell Town?

My mind.

What is my mind?

A crazy obsolete obstacle. My mind is comparative to a maze. Once you entered it, the harder it become to escape. The deeper you fell, the more difficult it become to regain reality. When put into prospect, I was scared of my own mind. I was vulnerable, _to myself_. More or less, I was vulnerable to Clare Edwards.

What the hell was happening to me? Once again, I was being taken over by an angel. Her pure blue eyes, her perfectly soft lips, and her intense beauty. It mocked me. It intoxicated me. This angel was the love of my life. Maybe she still is. Who's to say what is and isn't. All I knew was that I had not seen her for five years. For the past five years, I had been trying to move on. Year by year, month by month, week by week, day by day, hour, by minute, by second.

All to be interrupted.

Once again, there it was. That uncontrollable force.

But for those few minutes, I was in pure bliss. I really did not mind. I did not mind my life being interrupted for a few moments. However, it merely reminded me.

After Clare left, I needed help. I needed serious help. The _only_ person by my side was Adam. But even a guy's best friend would eventually get sick of constantly hearing the same repetitive rants about the same god damn girl. Everyone would. It's not that he wasn't there for me, it's just that eventually-enough was enough.

I knew that Adam and Clare spoke. They spoke a couple of times a week, but that lessened after a few months. I was curious. I was so curious, that my curiosity nearly became the death of me. I never asked Adam though, and he never told. Maybe if I had, he would have told me.

Slowly, I began to cut myself away from Adam. Maybe it was selfish or maybe it was selfless. Either way, I didn't exactly want to be a part of life anymore. At first, I continued to talk to Adam daily. Those days however, they turned into weeks and then months. Before I knew it, Adam and I had practically cut ties with one another.

For most of that time, I was on my own. I decided that I didn't want the world to know me anymore. It was better that way. Better for myself, and better for everyone else. Thankfully, one day someone came to the rescue. Adam helped me get better, and he told me he would be there; _always. _

Before this afternoon what was I doing? I was minding my own business. From the corner of my eyes. I saw her. I saw the same girl who stole my heart, who stole me, who changed me; five years ago. I couldn't move. I felt as though I was a 17 year old again, slowly losing myself and succumbing to love.

Clare was the first girl that I ever loved, next to my mother. But I did not account her as part of my life. My mother left when I was 12 years old. I do not know why I still loved her, after all; she chose to leave me. She left me and my father alone. There was nothing wrong with my dad, we were just never close. Sometimes, I swore that he blamed me for her leaving. But deep down, I knew and he knew; that it was not my fault. She was selfish, and she chose to leave. On her own terms.

Until this day, I felt different. I felt as though during those five years, I really grew up, and truly matured. I had been through so much in such a short amount of time that it could honestly last for my entire life. But today, _today_ I did not feel any different anymore. I did not feel as though there had been five years. Everything that seemed to drag on for so long, merely felt like the snap of a finger. It almost felt as though those five years, just disappeared.

Although I no longer felt any different, I still remembered that we both were. I _was_ different. My hair was shorter than when I was in my teen years, and it wasn't as dark as it used to be. I guess eventually, I lost track of my _emo_ label. In my opinion, I was never an emo, but I'm sure others would find arguments against that. I'll just keep it as, in the long run, I added some color to my personality; my clothing choice.

Clare on the other hand, for the short amount of time that I had actually seen her- for the first time in five years, there was no change. She still embodied that innocent look, with that illuminating aura. However, that was just what seemed to be her exterior shield. I did not know what was going on inside her head. Of course she had grown up, she had matured. She had developed more into that feminine body that she possessed. But her body grew with her. The body that she possessed then, and the body that she possessed now, was even more of a beauty than I ever imagined it would be.

Through help, I was able to learn how to gain control over my life again. I learned to not let love drive me _crazy_. That could not, and would not happen again.

Something that I was able to control before Clare even entered into my life. Clare drew me away from that; she drove me to insanity because I loved her so much. Although, I did not mind. I loved thinking about someone, above myself. And I loved putting someone before myself. But when she left, there was no one to care for anymore. There was nothing good about my life anymore, so it did not matter.

I let down my guard around her. I could truly be myself. I was always shy about showing my true personality to someone, especially someone whom I had just met. And at that instance when we just met, I wanted to know her. I wanted to feel her.

I suppose that that was why it was such a shock when she left. It was my fault. I should have acted differently, but I didn't. If there was one moment in my life that I could change, I would have changed that moment. The moment when I turned away from her, and told her to go home. Rather than have done that, I should have opened my arms for her. I should have opened them wide. I should have let her know that I was there for her _no matter what. _I should have comforted her. I was wrong.

You know that love that seems to only exist in the movies? The kind of love, when two lovers find each other. Everything that was once bleak, gains some color. Everything that was slow tends to speed up. In the moment when those two souls that are destined to be with one another; inevitably meet, everything disappears around them. Everything that seemed to once matter, no longer does. Because all that matters, is each soul, becoming one.

That was only a minuscule of an explanation of my feelings, the first time I laid my eyes on Clare. That day in school when I accidentally broke her glasses, she accidentally broke my heart. She pierced me with those deep blue eyes. Day by day, I began to regain feeling. The more she looked at me, the easier it became to feel again. I think it was because I fell in love with her more and more each day. And each day, it became clearer and clearer, that she was my destiny.

From the first time her eyes looked at me, to the last time they broke away; she looked into my soul. I could immediately feel her looking beyond my exterior, and through my soul. I knew I was doing the same to her.

When her blue eyes broke away from me those five years ago, I could no longer feel her around me. I knew then, and I knew now, that I was still in love with her. I was still irrevocably in love with her.

They say that everything has a purpose in life, right? So maybe, just maybe, there was a purpose for me running into Clare again? There was a purpose that rather than be somewhere _else,_ I just happened to be walking on the same sidewalk as Clare?


	3. Chapter 3

**ONCE AGAIN, thank you so much for the amazing feedback I got! Comments like that really warm my heart! So for some reason, each chapter seems to be getting longer and longer haha…;) I hope you enjoy this one! **

I had been walking around my room in circles, for what seemed to be endless minutes. During those endless minutes, it felt as though eternity was passing over me. After each minute passed, I began to feel as though there were heavy weights holding down my feet.

I kept eyeing the clock to see when it was _afternoon_. To explain, I knew what Eli meant by afternoon. It had been a tradition, and might I say a genius one. It had been our thing, since our second date at The Dot. We would always meet at 3:00, which later became to be called; afternoon. It was 2:00 and I decided that I should make myself look presentable.

I was still recovering from my shocking afternoon. I had tried not to tear up, but it was too much for me. I did not except to run into Eli the day that I returned to Toronto.

Why exactly I was crying, well give it some time. For the time being, I was crying because of Eli. It had been five years since the last time we saw one another. Five years, since I left the one true love of my life.

I do admit to my childish schemes, it was immature to run away. I caused a ruckus in my town. But I was young; I did not know what else to do. I did not know who else to turn too. And I did not know how else to react.

With that in mind, I could do nothing else but accept the past. I didn't have to like it, but it was the past and it was what happened. There was no way to change it, so the only thing I could do was acknowledge it. Of course if I had the chance, I would change it. I should have come back for Eli, or not even have left at all.

Coulda, shoulda, woulda.

Due to the past, Eli was usually never on time; afternoon on the dot. I figured that _this_ afternoon Eli would probably be a little bit late, so I didn't feel as bad if I was a little bit late as well. I grabbed a towel and I turned on the shower to medium warm.

As the water ran down my back, I began to worry about how the afternoon would turn out. There were so many ways that this day could end. I did not even know what I wanted to come out of it. What did I want?

Did I want Eli to tell me that he had found someone? Did I want Eli to tell me that he still loved me? Did I still love Eli? Maybe it was time to run away again. But that would be illogical. There was a reason that I returned to Toronto. If I left today, then merely everything would be for nothing.

It was clear. I did not want Eli back, nor did I want him to tell me that he found someone. I did not want to love Eli, nor did I want Eli to tell me he didn't love me anymore. All I wanted was an answer. A simple answer. Well, more like a solution to the past five years of my life.

However, simplicity was not an aspect of my life. If anything, it was the complete opposite. If anything, it would be difficulty. I may have wanted a simple answer, but what I knew I would receive was a difficult answer.

I got out of the shower, and combed through my hair, while the rest of my body was wrapped in a towel. I went into my room, and closed my door. I turned on my speakers, which were connected to my iPod. I pressed play, and it began playing _Time After Time,_ a person favorite. The song was on repeat while I got ready.

That song meant so much to me. It pained me every time I heard it, but at the same time, it calmed me down. If truth be told, I was such an emotional wreck whenever I heard it.

I went to my closet, and pulled out my favorite jeans. I wondered if they still fit me. To be honest, I barely took any clothing with me when I ran away. I didn't have much time to pack anything; I just grabbed two sweatshirts and a random pair of jeans. I bought new clothing. After I ran away, I changed a bit. I no longer wanted to maintain my modest image.

I was surprised that the jeans still fit me, but I guess it made sense. In a way, they _were_ my lucky jeans. I quickly opened my drawers and pulled out my favorite shirt. I did not expect everything to be in place. It was almost like I had never even left. I quickly put on my eyeliner, not a lot; Eli always liked it natural and light. I grabbed my purse and ran out of my room. On my way down the stairs, I saw my mom.

"Clare? What are you doing here?"

"Mom, no time to talk, we will have a long chat later. I am meeting Eli." I ran out of the door after that.

When I finally arrived at The Dot, it was 3:10. I thought I had a few minutes to spear thinking that Eli wouldn't get there until at least another 10 minutes. But to my surprise, Eli _was_ there. I noticed a resemblance in our clothing choices.

He got up, as I walked closer to him. He kissed my cheek, which I felt getting warm. It was as though gravity pulled us together. We always found ourselves in such a state of gravitation, slowly drifting towards each other.

We went to order. I got my usual hot chocolate, and Eli got his usual decaf coffee. After we sat down, we started talking, and talking, and talking. The talking seemed endless.

I didn't even know what we were talking about. It was just talking; about _nothing and everything_. We didn't stop. It was as if we were in high school again, and nothing had changed in our relationship. Due to our laughing, drinking, and talking, it felt like we were in love again.

We both took a sip of our drinks, and it followed by a silence. The silence was enough to hear the first few seconds of the next song that had just begun. That song was _our_ song. He looked up at me, and I knew the thoughts that were running through his mind. It was the same look he had at our first date.

I could get lost in that look. His eyes were always so inviting and welcoming. Even after I screwed up. Even after I ran away from him.

Everything was such a coincidence today. He and I were both wearing the same _exact_ outfit that we were wearing the day that he ran over my glasses. The same outfit, as the moment when we first met. This was where we had our first date, and after all the hell we had been through, when I returned home; we found ourselves here again. And _this_ song, was the song that we danced too. The song where he kissed me.

_It was early in January, when Eli and I were finally out on our first date. We were official after all we had been through, and we were finally here. He asked me in school that morning. I hadn't seen him for three weeks because it was winter vacation and he had been suspended due to school violence. _

_He jumped over two desks, which of course caught my attention. He always had a knack for making an entrance. _

"_Clare. This afternoon. You. Me. The Dot. 3:00." He said while he took the seat behind me. _

"_Eli, you can't expect me to just forgive you like that."_

"_Three weeks, and I'm still in the dog house?"_

_I looked up at him, with a little bit of a tease, "8, 9, 10," I paused, "Now you're forgiven."I said with a teasing smile._

_Eli quickly replied with a snarky tone, "Thank you."_

_I smiled and exclaimed "I will see you at 3:00." While turning around with a giant blush on my face. _

"This is our song Ms. Edwards. Care to join me in this dance?" He said as he put his hand out towards me, and I reciprocated by taking it.

He pulled me up and we began dancing. It felt as though we were the only two there, and everything else that ever mattered, just disappeared. All that was in focus was Eli. Eli and I; it felt right to finally be able to say it again. Dancing. Our bodies became one again.

_I, being a nervous 16 year old, did not know what to expect for my first date with Eli. I tried my best to be calm. I mean it wasn't my first time that I was spending time with Eli alone, it was just our first official date. _

_It was then that I realized, there was absolutely no need to be nervous. It was Eli. He was the boy that I was falling for. The boy who I immediately could not stop thinking about from the moment that I met him. _

_I arrived at the dot, and Eli was waiting for me. We ordered our usual, and sat down. The Dot was pretty empty and pretty quiet. Time After Time played on the speakers, and Eli put his hand out for me. I took it and we began to turn into one. _

_Towards the end of the song. He kissed me. It was our first real kiss. It was the softest thing to ever touch my lips. He slowly came towards me, and kissed me gently. His lips were so smooth, and my lips took to his. We were like a magnet. We clicked, like we were meant to be. _

It was the exact same line at the end of the song, I leaned over, and he followed. We kissed. It was like kissing an angel. Once again, our lips became magnetic. The song stopped, and we slowly pulled apart. His hands were on my hips, and mine were around his neck.

I realized that everything was turning grey again. Although it felt right, I knew that it wasn't. I lost grip of his neck, and I told him I was sorry. I turned around and I walked out; once again.

I needed to get out of there. I ran. When I got home, I went upstairs to my room, and I began crying.

I couldn't let this happen again; I couldn't let myself fall for him. I could not deal with the consequences of making him fall in love with me again. He didn't deserve that, he deserved better than me, and I needed space.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is chapter four :) Sorry it's been more than a week since I last updated. I just couldn't find the time to write the chapter. Leave me some comments (:**

It happened. Finally, the past became acquainted with the present. The long and awaited kiss happened at last. That kiss defined nothing. But yet it defined everything. Nothing and everything. It was nothing, because it was only the beginning. It was everything, because it was so. It was everything that embodied life.

My _fear_ surpassed my _joy_. My _sadness_ exceeded my _excitement_. My _regret_ went beyond my _hopefulness. _

Those were the elements that surrounded my life. They were the elements of myself. They were the elements which filled my heart. I felt complete, but yet at the same time I felt incomplete.

I was the master of my mind. I was the master of my own destiny. If that was so, then why couldn't I control it? My feelings were irrational. They weren't fair. They weren't fair to Clare, they weren't fair to me. They weren't fair.

Seeing Clare again made me feel as though I was slowly falling through the cracks again. Clare Edwards. She was the angel and she was the devil. She was the light of my life, but also the dark. She was pushing me there, but at the same time she was what kept me from falling.

How was it humanly possible to fear love? I knew that I was still in love with her, but yet at the same time, I was scared out of my mind. I wanted to be with her, but at the same time I knew that it was wrong.

Maybe I was wrong for having these thoughts. But maybe not. As I said before, everything in life had a purpose. So _clearly_ there was purpose for Clare and me. When apart, we were just two people. But when together, I felt invincible. Invincible _and_ fear.

I was fighting with myself. I was the enemy but I was also the ally. I couldn't win nor was it possible to lose. Once again, it just was.

I was in a rut. For the past two days, I was in a rut. A rut of my mind, of the past, of my insecurities, and of my desires. I needed to get myself out.

I needed to talk to someone.

Before I knew it, I heard his voice. "Hello, anyone there?"

I stuttered, "Umm hey Adam it's…" I was cut off.

"I know it's you Eli. I have Caller-Id you know."

"Hey man, how's it been?" Anyone could hear the discomfort in my pitch.

"A hell of a long time, that's what it's been." I could sense the uneasiness in his tone. "So I assumed you called me to tell me that the love of your life is back, and that you two are madly in love again?"

I didn't understand how Adam knew why I was calling, "Umm well not exactly." I paused. "How did you..."

"How did I know that Clare was back? Because she had the decency to call me and tell me she was back in Toronto. But no, I didn't receive a call from my other best friend to tell me personally. In fact I haven't received a call from him in about... what it is two years now?"

And there it was, only another one of the many moments of my past that I wished I could change. To be exact, it had been two and a half years since the last time I had spoken to Adam. That day was as clear as a sunny day.

_I had officially been home for six months. The days were becoming easier to get through again. I began understanding what I did, and why I was there. I accepted what had happened, and I accepted that I needed to finally move on. I needed to swallow my pride, and forgive Clare. I needed to forgive myself most importantly. _

_I had made a decision. I was going to start new. I wanted to become a 'new' Eli. At the time, it seemed logical. It seemed logical to forget everyone in my past or at least attempt too. _

_I had forgotten about Clare; well I pretended too. And besides Adam, there wasn't anyone else in my life. That day when I came home, I had several calls from Adam along with several messages. They all said merely the same thing. _

'_Hey Eli, its Adam. I just wanted to know how you've been. It's been a few weeks since we've spoken. I haven't spoken to you in a couple of weeks. I am worrying. Should I be?'_

_I never called him back. It was my intent, to forget about Adam as well. As it was my intention, it was my succession. For a few weeks, he still called. But I never answered, and I never returned his calls. I felt a pit building within my stomach, but I thought that it was the right thing for me to do. _

_The third month since I had spoken to Adam passed, and our friendship merely vanished into thin air. _

"Adam, I'm so sorry. You know that I was..."

"Eli, honestly I don't care that you _were_. What right does that give you to drop me? Don't you dare forget who helped bring you back. Don't you fucking dare forget who was there for you every single fucking day."

I stood there in shock. I totally agreed with everything that Adam said. I never knew that Adam would say something like that to me. I suppose that it was understandable in that situation. "Adam. All I can say is I am sorry. I don't have any other words to offer. I am sorry, I repent. I repent, I am sorry."

"Eli, you know that you've got to do better than that." This was hard, Adam and I had barely ever gotten into an argument. Maybe a few over the years, but nothing that was too difficult to fix. Normally it was just a simple apology, or a night out.

"Do you Adam Torres; take me Eli Goldsworthy back into your life. To love for the rest of your life, till death do us part? He will forever be sorry, and quite frankly he god damn misses his best friend." If I had more time to think, I probably could have thought of something a little _less_ cheesy, and a bit _more_ apologetic.

"You know I am a sucker for your pathetic apologies. Maybe that's why Clare never came back."

"Shut the hell up man, don't go there." I knew that Adam was just teasing. Adam knew it wasn't my fault. By saying that, I did not mean to say that it was Clare's either. It was both of our faults; or maybe neither. Who knows, we were young, and in love, and in all honesty, we were scared to death. But I speak for myself when I say that I reacted the wrong way.

"I'm sorry Eli. But seriously man, what's up? Actually, on second thought hold your tongue. I'll come over. I'll be there in five minutes; _tops_." By five minutes, Adam would be here in _five_ minutes.

At that moment, I felt relief. I was one of the luckiest human beings. My best friend, whom I had not spoken to for two and a half years, just forgave me for being a dick. The love of my life had returned into my presence.

I heard a knock on my door, and as I was opening it I yelled, "Can I let go of my tongue?"

Adam nudged me, and gave me a giant hug. "Well I assume Clare has already told you everything?"

"Oh yeah. I know all about it. I know all about her heart stopping, I know all about the clothes you both wore, I know all about your dance, I know that it was to the _same_ song that you guys danced to on your first official date, and I even know about that kiss that followed..."

"Alright well, that was my day in a nutshell. Glad we are on the same page."

There was an awkward silence after that. I guess we both needed time to process what was going on. All I could think about was how much I wished that I could change the past. How much I wished that I could go back to that day, and call Adam back. How much I wished I could go back, and tell Clare that I would be there for her no matter what, because she was my one true love.

Adam looked up at me, with full intention to tell me something. "Eli, are you forgetting one minor detail about your life?"

I looked at him blankly; I honestly did not understand what he was trying to get at. Adam and I used to be able to merely look at each other, and immediately know what the other was thinking. Either I had lost that ability, or I honestly had no clue to what he was talking about.

"Eli, do I have to blatantly say it? Must I spell it out for you?"

He gave me a moment, but I still stared at him without a thought in my mind.

He shook me, "Sarah dude, SARAH."

"Oh crap." I slowly turned around, and dropped my body on my couch. I quenched my wrists together as I used them as a head rest.

"Did you really forget? Did you just happen to get amnesia? Eli, I know that Clare broke your heart; I know that she put you through hell. But please don't forget who picked you up again. I might have rescued you and brought you to safety, but Sarah did the rest.

Adam was right. As always, he was utterly correct. Sarah did save me. While Adam found me that one night, Sarah was the one who made me feel again. Though I never felt the same as I did when I was with Clare, Sarah was the first person who made me remotely feel anything again.

"What _exactly_ are you going to do? It's not fair to Sarah."

I slowly picked my head up, "I hadn't exactly thought that one through genius."

"You're damn lucky she went home this weekend Eli. You're damn lucky."

How could I ignore my feelings? Wasn't it only two days ago that I realized that I was still in love with Clare Edwards? It was only two days since she had returned. And within those few minutes, I surrendered.

"Did Clare happen to mention anything about how she walked out on me?"

"She did. I told her karma's a bitch. Look man, I don't know what to tell you. Clearly neither of you have ever let go of one another. Sarah doesn't come back for another few days. Why don't you use those few days to your advantage. Don't do anything stupid, or anything that would make them _both_ hate you. But you and Clare _need_ to talk."

Why was it that Adam always knew what to say? Even when there wasn't an answer. He still managed to find the right one.

I took the hint, and I picked up the phone. Clare's number was still on speed dial. However, I didn't realize that until after I subconsciously pressed the number two. The phone began to ring, after the third ring, I heard a breath.

"Eli?" The voice of an angel answered.

"Clare, we need to talk."

"Alright, shoot." She quickly answered.

"No, not now, and not on the phone. We need to talk, and I mean _really _talk." I was nearly out of breath.

"Okay Eli, when?"

"Tonight, I will pick you up at 7. Is that okay?" _Is that okay my dear love? _

"I suppose I can pencil you into my busy schedule. Is there a specific dress code? Where will we go?"

"Oh Ms. Edwards. If I told you, that would ruin all of the fun now wouldn't it?" I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. I was a true romantic when it came to Clare.

"Calm down Mr. Goldsworthy. I would never want to ruin one of your _dreamy_ surprises. Can you at least tell me, so I don't feel out of place when I come in my pajamas?" She giggled; I knew she was just messing with me.

"Why don't you wear one of those sexy dresses you have with my name on it?" I paused.

"And to top it off, I'll wear a silver pair of strappy heels, the brand name is _Goldsworthy_."

"Sounds perfect Edwards. I shall see you in a few hours."

"So long Goldsworthy, until we see one another again." I hung up. I couldn't help myself, but talk this way when it involved Clare. She brought out my romantic side. As I put the phone down, and turned around, there was Adam staring at me with his jaw nearly all the way open.

"I seriously cannot believe you still talk that way. I thought that after Clare ran away you stopped. Wow Eli, just wow."

"I can't help it Adam, I really can't. It's just something about Clare…" Adam didn't want to hear anymore.

I didn't really know how I felt. For one, I was united with my best friend, and my soul mate. But then, there was _Sarah. _I couldn't treat her that way, and I couldn't just forget about her.


	5. Chapter 5

**I can't help it. Each chapter seems to be getting longer and longer hahaa. I hope you guys all enjoy this one! I am actually pathetic. I can't help but tear up when I read the last three pages. I suppose that's because I know what happens ;) ANYWAYS. I hope you enjoy this one. Leave some comments or suggestions? :)**

When I ran away from home, it took me some time to realize what I had actually left behind. Though after I did, I never returned. Nevertheless, I did attempt to make some amends.

I called my parents, and I told them everything. I told them what had happened to me and why I had runaway. I begged them not to make me come home. They undoubtedly felt pity for me. However, my intention was not for them to pity me. My intention was for them to not force me to return home. At that moment, it was the last thing I wanted, and something that I definitely could not handle.

I asked them, I nearly begged them to let me stay in Vancouver. My mom's sister, Jess, lived there. She was 25 at the time, and she welcomed me with open arms. I collapsed at the scene, as soon as she opened the door. I poured out my soul to her, and she sheltered me with love and compassion.

My mom and Jess were never on great terms, considering their differences in beliefs, as well as their differences in age. But nonetheless, her and my father both agreed. They would rather have their daughter staying with someone that they knew very well, then have her wandering around Canada, or worse; living miserably in Toronto.

I made my rounds of alerting the people I loved, that I was safe. I called Alli, Adam, and I even called Jenna.

Alli told me that she would visit me as soon as she had the opportunity. Things between her and her parents were boiling over bit by bit, day by day. She truly was one of the best friends a girl could ask for. She didn't ask why I had left; she felt that it wasn't her place to ask. If I wanted her to know, then I would have told her. I respected the way that Alli treated me.

Adam always spoke the truth, he never held back. Though some of the time it was a good thing, most of the time it was more than I wanted to hear. He began by saying how stupid I was, followed by how relieved he was to hear my voice. He told me that at any point in time, he was always free to call. I believed the sincerity in his voice, and took him up on that propose. Before I hung up the phone, he told me that I needed to call Eli. He told me how Eli was driving himself mad.

I knew that Adam was right, he made a valid point. It's not very common that the girl you love just leaves with no explanation. Especially after a fight, but as I already said, I was immature. If I had a time machine, I would go back five years and take it all back. Sadly, there was no such thing in existence, so I have had to live with my consequences.

I had been condemned to my room. I was ashamed, but somehow I found release. I felt like everything that I had come back for was waiting for me. As soon as I received that phone call, my heart jumped like a heartbeat. Immediately I felt as though everything would be okay again.

I felt hope, and I felt optimistic. I felt as though everything was working out in our favor. I returned to Toronto with full intention to confront Eli. Truthfully, I didn't expect anything to come out of it. I really thought that Eli would tell me he had found someone else.

I contemplated how lucky I was. While I was waiting, I found myself deep in though. Coming back to Toronto was very difficult for me, but I felt that I had made the right choice.

At last, it was seven and Eli was waiting for me outside. I couldn't believe my eyes; I almost thought that they were lying to me. Behold there was old Morty. I couldn't believe that Eli still owned him. I guess Morty was too hard to get rid of.

As promised, I was wearing a dress and heels. I decided not to wear a black dress. Red was Eli's favorite color, so I decided to wear a red _strappy_ dress. And I did not own a single pair of silver shoes, but I did own a pair of black heels.

When Eli and I were going out for our sixth month anniversary, we were playing 20 questions. I asked him what his favorite color was, and he told me red. He had a reason behind every answer. He said that red was love. Red was deep, but yet beautiful. It was passionate, but yet unapproachable. It made him feel vulnerable, but at the same time, secure.

As I walked out of my front door, I felt those butterflies in the pit of my stomach once again. Time after time, I had to remind myself that this was Eli. The boy that stole my whole heart. The man that I was falling in love with, yet again.

I felt like I was the princess, and Eli was the prince. He stepped out of the car, and quickly made it to the right side before I got there. As he approached me, he bowed and said "Hello Princess Clare." I bowed back. It was of course the proper response to greet the prince.

He opened the door for me, and as soon as I was seated he closed it and quickly made his way back with a bit of a skip.

"Well don't you look dashing, Ms. Edwards."

"You're not so bad yourself Mr. Goldsworthy." I answered with a smirk. Over time, I learned how to mock everything he did. Every comment, every motion and every expression. I must say, I did a rather exceptional job at mocking his smirk.

"Well thank you Ms. Edwards. I'll take any compliment that I rightfully deserve."

It struck me, we were talking again as we used to when we were just kids. We were talking the way we spoke while we were in love.

"So where are you taking me?"

"Still impatient, I see you haven't changed much. Will you please just wait?" I smiled at him and the remainder of our journey was in silence. I really had no idea where he was taking me and it bothered me. Eli knew that I hated surprises, but that never stopped him from handing them to me.

For the first time in five years, I felt comfortable again. I felt like I belonged. For the past five years, I had felt like a runaway. But right now, I felt that I was in the right place.

We finally arrived, and I was awestruck. Years ago they had built this restaurant in Toronto. It was my dream to eat there, but my dream was never fulfilled considering it was so expensive.

"Eli." I didn't know what to say. "You didn't." I said as I stepped out of Morty. Eli met with me on my side.

"But I did, Clare. I did." He grabbed a hold of my hand, and we began walking into the restaurant. It was even more magnificent than I had ever imagined. For one, the attire was black tie. It had a unique smell, and the atmosphere was brilliant.

"Reservation for Goldsworthy."

"Right this way sir." I looked at Eli, and followed him.

To the left of me was a gorgeous fountain. The water was flowing from the statue. The statue was a dolphin, and the water was escaping through its mouth. I assumed that in the bottom of the fountain, there were colored lights because the water kept changing colors. It was a different arrangement each time, it was hard to keep up.

We found our seat right in the center of the decorations.

To the right of me, there was a band playing. They were playing; soft enough so that we could hear each other, but loud enough so we could hear the music.

When the waiter came to take our orders, I ordered a chicken salad with sprite, and Eli ordered a hamburger with coke. Who would have thought that in such a sophisticated restaurant, we would still choose to be simple.

We both gulped down our food; I suppose both of our nerves had made us ravenous. Soon, our desert came. We shared a piece of white chocolate cake drizzled with chocolate fudge; both of our favorites. I had just eaten the last piece of the cake, after teasing Eli.

"Eli, thank you. I honestly don't know what else to say. I feel like a princess. You are treating me like royalty."

"You _are_ my princess, Clare." I couldn't help but look down, in an attempt to try to avoid my embarrassment. I didn't want Eli to see that my cheeks were turning bright red.

"Clare, I want to show you something." I looked up at him, and saw that he was reaching into his pocket. He handed me a piece of paper from his pocket. I opened it, and it was a letter that I had written to him five years ago.

_Dear Eli, _

_From the first day I met you, I instantly fell in love with you. Over the past year and a half, we have been through hell and back. I cannot thank you enough for always being there for me when I needed you most. You loved me, and you cared for me. _

_To this day, and probably forever, I will always be in love with you. I apologize for leaving you alone. I was furious with you, and honesty I still am. I know that what I did to you was unfair; I know that what I did to you was unexpected. But the way you treated me was horrible. It was a bad night for me, and I was in a bad place at the time. You knew that I was dealing with my parents, and you were no help that night. So I did it. I regret it, but I did it. There is nothing, utterly nothing that I can do to take it back. _

_I did not really comprehend what had happened until a couple of days later. And when I told you, I told you in full and complete honestly. I told you everything, absolutely everything. Maybe it was too much for you to hear, and maybe you didn't want to hear all of the details, but I told you. I was taken by surprise. You reacted differently than I had expected. I did not think that you were going to throw our relationship away just like that, I thought we were stronger. _

_I am truly sorry. I cannot say if I regret it or not, I cannot say if I wish I never left. I really don't know what I feel yet. But what I can say is how much I miss you. I don't understand why I am being such a coward. I wish it was easier for me, and that I could just come home. But this is the best place for me; I just can't deal with life in Toronto anymore. I need to start over. _

_Maybe over time, I will forgive myself. Maybe overtime, I will forgive you. But before I can forgive you, I really do need to forgive myself. I need to forgive myself for treating you that way, so that I can fully approach myself. _

_Don't forget my dear; you are the most amazing person that I have ever come across. You have so much love in your heart, and I am truly blessed that I got to receive that love. Please don't hold back on love. Don't wait for me, because that is not fair. One day, you will make another gir,l truly the luckiest girl alive. _

_Yours forever,_

_ Clare._

By the time I was done reading, I had tears crawling down my cheeks. I wrote that letter the night that Adam told me to call Eli. I did not have the strength to do so, so I felt that that was the next best thing.

"I wrote you a letter back, but I never sent it." He handed me the letter and I began to read it.

_My dearest and only Clare,_

_ Nothing, and I repeat nothing that you ever do could ever make me stop loving you. From the moment I saw you, I knew that you were my one and only. You were all that I wanted, and you were all that I could see myself being happy with. I have never fallen in love so quickly, and with someone who I could trust so much. As you know, it is extremely hard for me to let people into my life. But you, you immediately saw through me. You are my angel, and you are my light. Though, sometimes you are also my dark. But there can't be light without dark. So I don't mind the darkness. _

_Let's not be skeptical. I blame you; but mostly, I blame myself. I was unfair, and you didn't deserve the way I treated you. I just want to let you know, that I forgive you. I forgive you to the moon and back. I am so sorry about that fight that we had. I know that it was my fault that you did that, and it is my fault that you are not in my arms right now. It is my fault that you ran away from Toronto. It is my entire fault. _

_You do not need to apologize to me, I am the one who needs to apologize to you, my dear. I was wrong. I know that you have had a lot going on recently, and I didn't help by pushing you away. I basically pushed you into the situation. I am so sorry that I told you I didn't want to hear it anymore. I shouldn't have said that. I know how hard it has been with your parents constant bickering. _

_I truly hope that one day you find the strength to forgive me. I hope that one day there will be a place in your heart for me. There will always be a place in mine for you. _

_Clare Diane Edwards. I will never forget you. I will never get over you. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do to try to relieve the pain; it will never happen. I should be saying that to you. I am utterly an idiot. I pushed you away, and I threw away everything that we were. You are right. I gave up on the one thing in my life that ever made sense. I gave up on the one person that I ever truly loved._

_I think I understand now, I think I know why. The love that you gave to me, it scared the fucking shit out of me. A lot of the time, I felt that I did not deserve you. You are an angel; you are what everyone strives to be. Every single day. Being close to you, it made me feel good, it made me feel like I was actually worth something. _

_So for you, my baby. Do not dwell on the past. You are worth so much, you are so precious, and you are so pure. Do not waste yourself, live life as it comes, and don't let anything pass you by. I know I did, and it makes me want to die. It makes me sick to my stomach what I did. If I could take it back I would. I will love you until my heart stops beating. I will love you until the end of our days. I will love you until the worlds collapse beneath us._

_Forever yours,_

_ Eli. _

I couldn't contain myself any longer. After I finished reading his letter, everything was clear. Eli did love me, and he did care. I wished that he would have sent that letter. Maybe, just maybe, it would have been my push that I needed to come back home. However, he didn't. But I do not blame him. I do not scold him for it.

"Eli." It was hard to speak. My lips were trembling. My eyes were tearing. My words were slurring. I was slowly dissolving in a puddle of tears. Eli didn't need to say anything. All he did was look at me. With that one look, I knew everything would be okay. That one look, he told me to not regret anything, and to not hate myself.

He picked himself up and plopped down beside me. I was still facing in his direction to where he was before. He reached for my hands which was in my lap, and held them between his. I turned towards him, and rested my head on his shoulder. He pulled my body towards him and wrapped his arms around me. He whispered into my ear.

"Clare, no matter what my angel; you are always going to be my girl. If I still feel this way after not seeing you for five years, we can withstand anything. We are meant to be. No matter what."

"Eli…Eli…" I said trying to hold back my tears. "I love you."

"I love you too my dear." I wasn't done yet. Eli had cut me off; I was still choking back my tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I'm sorry."

He slowly let go of me, and picked up my face with his hands. He covered my cheeks with his warm hands. "Clare, please listen to me sweetie. The past is _in _the past. You and I were placed on this earth for a reason. You and I met for a reason. You and I loved for a reason. You and I fought for a reason. You and I cried for a reason. You and I ran away for a reason. But here we are. Again. For a reason. We were placed on this earth for each other. You are my soul mate."

Nothing seemed to matter anymore. All that mattered was Eli and I. Eli. Me. His arms. His lips. All that I knew was that I was in his arms when his lips touched my forehead. Time froze. He slowly pulled his lips away from my forehead, and my lips met his. We kissed, and our tongues danced together. As we both let go, our heads both fell in a parallel direction onto each other's shoulders. We were made for each other. We were Eli and Clare. We were soul mates.


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, here I am again updating after a week. I have vacation soon, so I will try to update sooner! Yet again, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thing are DEFINITELY starting to speed up. PRE WARNING ;) ;) **

I woke up the next morning with Clare beside me. I did not know how to react. I was happy, but yet I wasn't. I was full of relief as well as regret. She haunted my mind. How could I cheat on Sarah? What was I thinking?

Adam for one would probably be ready to strangle me to death if he knew. He told me to be careful, but I wasn't careful enough. I listened to my heart, instead of my head. And secondly, I was now in deep shit, with both Sarah and Clare. I will pray for my life when they find out about each other.

Last night was one of the best nights I had had, in an extremely long time. To be honest, I don't think I have ever had a night that made me so happy, since Clare and I were together; five years ago. I loved Sarah; at least I thought I did. She was there for me; when I needed her the most, and I was there; when she needed me the most. Maybe at the time I loved her, or I thought I loved her. However it was not possible to love her anymore.

It just wasn't.

I wish it was.

She didn't deserve to be treated that way. Neither did Clare.

Clare was still sleeping, when I awoke. She must have been extremely tired, because I was usually the last one to wake up.

I went downstairs and started making breakfast. It might have been nearly lunch time, but in my mind whenever I woke up, it was time for breakfast.

When the coffee was done, I heard footsteps behind me and then I felt her arms around my waist. I couldn't help my thoughts, but I had to control my actions. I merely turned around and said, "Good morning sleepy head how was your sleep?"

"It was exceptionally good last night, how about you?"

_It was amazing. I had you in my arms, and finally, I was your pillow again._ "It was pretty good as well." I said to her with a half smile. I couldn't say what was on my mind. It wasn't fair to Sarah, and it definitely wasn't fair to Clare.

After the two of us finished breakfast, I told Clare that I had to go home for a little while. I needed some time alone, and I needed some time to think. As perfect as everything felt, I knew that it wasn't perfect. I knew that it wasn't right.

Everything that was held together with a thread broke apart, and collapsed beneath me.

When I got home, I wanted to die. I went into my bathroom, and I opened up the cabinet above the sink. The way that I had opened it, I had a clear image of mine and Sarah's room. I saw all of her clothes, and I saw our bed.

A memory came to my mind. The day that I had asked Sarah to move in with me. Or maybe she asked if she could move in; it was more or less a mutual decision.

_It was three months after I had been home. The doctors thought that it might actually be good for me to have her here. _

_We were watching a movie, and after the movie was over she said that she better be going. Her mom was not happy with her not being home all the time. Sarah had a dark past just as I did. But we were each other's light, and I needed her. _

_As she kissed me, she said, "Babe, I will call you tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that my mom is ready to call the police on me again." _

_I usually never argued, but this night it was different. I didn't want Sarah to leave; I wanted her to stay; forever. "What would your mom do, if you didn't come home tonight? I mean she knows you're here, and she knows that we are both safe, no?"_

"_You're so cute. You always make me feel guilty for leaving. I will talk to her tomorrow, about my curfew. But you're right. I'm almost 22, and I have been home for a while now. I think that she should let me stay out as late as I want to. And for as long as I want to."_

"_What are you getting at? Are you saying that you want to stay here, for good?"_

"_Only if you want me too. I need you to keep my sane, and I hope I can do the same for you." _

"_Can you?" She didn't need to answer me, she kissed me and I knew what the answer was._

As I looked away from my bed, I knew that I would never be happy again if I couldn't be with Clare.

After Clare left, I had trouble sleeping most nights. My mind kept me up all hours of the night, replaying every single memory I had of her.

It started to show. My grades declined, my level of attentiveness decreased, and my association with the world rapidly, became disconnected. I began falling asleep at the oddest of times, but never at the right ones.

I suppose that my teachers were all genuinely concerned about my health, because the school therapist told me that she was truly worried. I explained to her what was going on; I literally vomited the words to her.

After she confronted my dad, they both agreed and prescribed me with sleeping pills. At that point, I really didn't care. Nothing mattered, and I decided to just listen to them. It would make them happy. It would make them leave me alone, to suffer in my own misery.

I was prescribed with over the counter sleeping pills. I was not sure of the name, I didn't bother to ask. All I knew was that if I really needed it, I could take no more than two a day. They told me that I should only take them for a few weeks. Eventually, my sleeping pattern would become normal again.

I took the sleeping pills most days, some days I didn't want to because I would rather be awake. Falling asleep, being in peace, it took away the pain for a few hours. For those few painless hours, it took away the pain that I gave to Clare. It took away the pain that I gave to myself. I liked the pain better, because at least I could feel.

But what did it matter now? All I wanted was Clare, and I knew that I could never be with her again. I was a fucking screw up, and once again, I had messed up everything that I loved. I reached for the pills and I closed the cabinet. All I could see were the pills, and my face. I poured one into my hand, and then another. Before I knew it, I had poured out the rest of the bottle.

I stared at my hand, and then I stared back at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn't bare look at my face anymore. I turned my eyes from my reflection, towards my hands. I slowly moved my hand towards my mouth. I nearly threw the pills in my mouth. I had a bottle of alcohol in my bathroom, and I poured it into a cup and used that to swallow the pills.

Instantly, I felt dizzy and I could barely keep my footage. I felt as though the world was closing in on me, it became very difficult to breathe. I was trying as hard as I possibly could to keep my grip on life.

But it was too late.

When I opened my eyes, I felt like a prisoner. I had no idea where I was, and I had no idea how I had gotten there. I tried to get up, but my head felt as though it weighed 50 lbs. As soon as I made my attempt, I fell backwards.

I couldn't help but scream. I let out a soft scream. My scream barely made it past the bed. My attempt of a scream left a burning sensation in my throat. My throat was killing me. Where the fuck was I?

"Eli Eli Eli, calm down, it's going to be okay." I recognized the voice. It was Adam. He walked next to me, and put his hand on my shoulder. The pressure calmed me down. I was relieved to see him.

"Adam, where am I?" I could barely find the energy to get the words to come out of my mouth.

"Eli. Breathe. You are in the hospital. I don't exactly know what happened, but they said that you OD'd on sleeping pills."

I stared at him. I barely remembered anything after I left Clare's house. "I…I…what?"

""You overdosed on your sleeping pills. They pumped your stomach a few hours ago. They managed to get everything out, and they said that you would wake up in a few hours. You woke up screaming. I figured that it was the tube in your mouth. I asked the doctors if it was safe to take it out, and they said it was. They asked me if I could stay in the room with you, just in case. I told them that I would not leave your side, if my life depended on it. Do you not remember that?"

I couldn't find the right words to say. "Do you really want to die? Do you really want to leave me alone? I need you Eli. I need you here in my life."

I couldn't tolerate to see Adam pity me, "Adam, I really can't remember anything past…" I cut myself off; I knew that if I finished my sentence, Adam would be furious with me. I didn't have the energy to have anyone hate me right now. All I knew was that I felt like shit, and I wasn't in the mood to be treated like it too.

"Past what? Eli, right now you have absolutely no right to keep anything from me. Do you hear that? I demand that you tell me everything. I don't care how you feel right now, I don't care. You owe me an explanation. I am sick of this." I could sense it in his voice. Although everything he said was how he really felt, he was also terrified, but tried not to show it.

I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before I opened my mouth. Adam was waiting there for me to spill my guts, and I owed him. I knew it. "Last night, Clare and I went out. I spent the night over and…"

"You slept with her?" Adam nearly had his hands around my throat.

"No, I didn't. We didn't do anything sexual last night, besides kiss."

"Then please explain to me how you ended up in her bed?"

"It was late, and her mom wasn't home. She didn't want to stay home alone. So I said I would stay with her. We talked, and then we fell asleep. That was it. I swear to you Adam."

"Eli."

I stared at him. It hurt to talk, I felt like every time I opened my mouth; I was speaking my last breath. I had no right to not speak to him though; he deserved that much from me.

"Eli." He looked at me with dismay. "Do you even know how you got here?" He paused, "Clare found you. She found you unconscious, on your bathroom floor, covered in vomit. She called me in hysteria. She told me that she called the ambulance and begged me to come over to wait there until they came."

"Adam, you don't have to tell me how to feel, because the chances are I already feel that way; to the millionth power. I don't know what to do, please tell me. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"Eli, I don't know. I really do not know."

"Adam, I am begging you. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going to die _again_."

"Eli, I will be here for you, but you can't keep doing this to me. I am only one person and I don't have enough inside me to go through this again. Please, don't shut yourself out again. I can't see you like that again. I can't lose you again."

Adam walked to the other side of the bed, and sat beside me. He put his arm around my body, and I hid myself in his arms. "Eli, do you really not remember chugging down pills?"

I looked up at him, and I nodded my head no. I felt so ashamed of myself. I thought I was better, I thought I had escaped. "I'm sorry Adam. I really am. I'm a fucking mess and I don't deserve you."

He grabbed my face, "Eli don't you dare say that. I _know_ that the past five years have been hell for you. They have been hell for both of us. I don't want to go down this road again. You can't. I can't. But if that is where you are headed, then I am going with you. I will be waiting on the other side to save you."

"Excuse me Sir, visiting hours are over." We both looked up towards the voice which broke our silence. It must have been a doctor as he was in full uniform. "Did you not hear me? Visiting hours have been over for two hours now."

"I'm sorry doctor. I wasn't aware that family wasn't allowed to stay after visiting hours are over."

"Oh, are you his family?"

Adam paused. "Yes. I am Eli's brother."

"My mistake, I am sorry. Is there anything that I can get for you two?"

"Maybe some food? I don't know about my brother, but I am starved. I really don't want to leave him alone to go…"

"Sure thing, we will bring you the dinner choices in a few minutes." That was it, and he walked out. I looked at Adam, and I knew. I was the luckiest person alive. Adam did so much for me, more than I could ever repay him for. I did not deserve him; he did not deserve the hell that I put him through.

That was when I decided, that I would try my damn hardest to be strong. I would try to be strong for _him. _It was not for me, I did not owe myself anything. But Adam, I owed my life to him.

"Eli, you can't do this again. Please, I am begging you."

"I swear it will never happen again. I swear."

"I'm not taking that chance again, that is exactly what you said last time. And look where we ended up. I am not taking another chance with you. I love you too much to let anything happen to you. Please, just cooperate."

I didn't say anything back to Adam. I just let him finish talking, as he was trying to hold back his tears. I rarely saw Adam cry. I didn't want two of the few times that I actually saw him cry, to _both_ be my fault. I knew Adam was right, and I knew he was speaking from his heart. I decided to let whatever he decided happen. No matter how much I would hate him for it.

"Another thing. If you don't tell Clare about Sarah, I will. I don't care if you hate me; I don't care if you curse me, but if you don't tell her then you really are a dick." I turned away from Adam. I couldn't bear see him, looking at me. "Ignore me all you want. I am just stating the truth and you know that I am right. It's not fair to either of them." Adam and I both knew, that he was right. Adam was _always_ right.

"Look Eli, I know that you love Clare. But if you love her, you can't have both of them. Sarah was there when you needed her, and you were there for her when she needed you the most. Maybe that is all you two really were for one another. Maybe you just needed to save each other, and you did. Maybe you still love her, and maybe she still loves you. Maybe you both still need each other. But you can't have both. Do you understand me? You can't have both of them."

"Clare will never forgive me."

"You don't know that Eli, you do not know that."

"I do, Adam. I really do. The way that I have treated her. She will never forgive me. I _know_ her and I _know_ how vulnerable she is. Clare only sees the good in people, she never sees the bad. When I told her that Wednesday _to get the hell away from me_, she turned away and never came back. I had no right to treat her that way; I had no right to be anything but what she was to me. You know what she was to me? She was my light, she was my angel, and she was my conscience."

"And how do you know that she still isn't? How do you know that she won't still be there for you?"

"Clare, I have been dating a girl for three years now. Her name is Sarah, and I met her in rehab. Yes I am still dating her, and yes I kissed you..."

"Is that true, Eli?"

Oh, fuck. No. Not now. Not me. I turned my head, and my angel was standing in the door way. I stared at her. I was at a loss of words, yet again.

"Did you really think that you could just play with my heart like that, _again_? You belong here. You are messed, Eli. Sarah must be as well, to stay with you for that long. Have a nice life, Eli. I will pray for you, because you really need help."

"Clare, please let me explain. Please." My words were my last attempt to chase her.

"Honestly Eli, there is nothing left to explain. _Nothing_. Let _me_ explain it for you. It's all clear to me now. I see you must love breaking girl's hearts."

I managed to find the strength to get out of bed. I stood right in front of her. She had it all wrong. _Clare my sweetie, you have it all wrong. _

I had never seen Clare so livid with me before. She was walking away from the door, and I was trying to catch up with her. I nearly lost my balance, but I managed to grab a hold of the door. "Eli, I came back for _you_. I fucking came back, from Vancouver, for you. Not my mom, not Alli, not Adam, and _definitely_ not Toronto. I came back for _you_. I thought that you respected me enough to not play with my heart."

"Clare please, just please listen to me." I could barely speak anymore; I was completely out of breath. "Sarah, she doesn't compare to you. You and _only_ you, is the person I want in my life."

"That's funny; I bet you have told her the same thing. Honestly Eli, I'm so over it. I could honestly care less about you, and Sarah and whatever the hell you do to screw up your life."

She turned around, and walked away. I let her go. Once again, I let her go. It was her choice, and I honored it. I did not tell her to go, she left on her own and I respected her decision. I had done a lot to fuck up my life the past few years, and I was not about to drag her into it. She was right. I did deserve whatever hell I put myself into. I deserved it all, and more. I turned around, and I slowly sunk to the floor. I had no energy left, and I had no motive left to live. The world slowly closed in on me, and everything slowly turned from color, to black.

**UHM YEAH. BAAAAAAAAM. LMAO. **


End file.
